How to Gracefully Navigate Difficult Conversations at Networking Events

Let’s be real: most people don’t love going to networking events. If you're an entrepreneur running on fumes, an investor with an overloaded calendar, or an advisor navigating complex dynamics, stepping into a room of strangers can feel like a big emotional and logistical lift. Add in today's polarized world, and it’s no wonder many people hesitate to show up at all.

The truth is, showing up with intention can lead to powerful outcomes. I have to remind myself of that every time I walk into a room these days. So, here’s a guide—for you and for me—on how to network with empathy, courage, and purpose.

Reset Your Mindset: It Starts in Your Head (and Heart)

The first person you need to convince to attend a networking event is yourself. So let’s talk mindset and emotional intelligence (EQ).

Mindset isn’t fluff—it shapes outcomes. 

Depending on the room you are about to walk into for a networking event, you may feel stressed. That's natural and there's nothing new about that. However, a Stanford study found that people who viewed stress as "enhancing" were more productive and had better health outcomes than those who viewed stress as harmful. I like that. Similarly, approaching a networking event with a growth mindset (versus fear or resistance) makes you more receptive, confident, and engaged.

EQ matters, too. 

According to TalentSmart, people with high emotional intelligence earn an average of $29,000 more annually than those with lower EQ. Why? Because they’re better at reading a room, managing discomfort, and making people feel seen—all essential for effective networking. So before you walk into the room, ask yourself:

• What am I hoping to learn?

• Who might I be able to help?

• How can I leave this room better than I found it?

Instead of bracing yourself just to get through the evening, focus on the relationships that could grow from it. Shifting your mindset can ease the internal tension and open you up to genuinely enjoy the people and conversations.

Navigating Politically and Emotionally Complex Rooms

If we're being honest with ourselves, professional events are no longer neutral ground—if they ever truly were. In today’s climate, some politicians and business leaders are actively working to discredit diversity, equity, and inclusion efforts, framing them as divisive or unnecessary. But the truth is, the more people understand the history and lived experiences of marginalized communities, the more likely those with unchecked power will face accountability—and potentially lose some of that power.

That threat to the status quo explains why you may encounter individuals who—knowingly or not—dismiss others’ lived experiences, ignore systemic barriers, or use language that lands as a microaggression. These moments are more common than they should be, and they can derail otherwise meaningful interactions.

Understanding and preparing for these dynamics helps you stay grounded, respond intentionally, and keep networking with purpose—even when it’s hard.

You might meet people who stayed neutral (and continue to be neutral) in moments that required courage.

These are the folks who say things like “I don’t talk politics” in rooms where policy directly affects people's lives and businesses. Their "neutrality" may feel like denial and avoidance. It can be jarring to hear someone pitch their business while ignoring the socio-economic systems that shape yours.

How to stay in the conversation:

• Reframe their neutrality: 

  Ask yourself, “Are they protecting themselves, or are they truly unaware?” This shifts your mindset from defensiveness to curiosity.

• Invite awareness (if appropriate): 

  “I’ve found that our customer base cares deeply about social impact. How are you seeing that affect your work?”

• Know your boundaries: 

  You don’t have to educate or challenge if it drains you. Silence can be a boundary.

Some people still have NOT “done the work” post-George Floyd.

They might believe privilege doesn’t affect them, or center themselves in conversations about equity. Some may adopt a victim mentality, convinced they were innocent despite having contributed to oppression. Others assume their ignorance exempts them from perpetuating bigotry, but in reality, that ignorance is a form of bigotry—it enables harmful attitudes and behaviors to persist.

This kind of willful or careless ignorance places an unfair burden on those who understand systemic oppression. It forces the marginalized and those who have "done. the work" to repeatedly educate, justify, and navigate around resistance, making conversations more exhausting and difficult than they need to be.

It’s not those striving for equity who complicate these discussions—it’s those unwilling to acknowledge their role in perpetuating injustice who create barriers.

By refusing to take responsibility or even recognize their impact, they stall progress and deepen divides, shifting the emotional labor onto marginalized people and allies who are simply seeking understanding and change. The accountability lies squarely with those who choose ignorance over awareness.

How to stay in the conversation:

• Validate your inner reaction: 

  It’s okay to feel frustrated or disrespected. Take a deep breath—literally—and ground yourself.

  
  

• Redirect or shift focus: 

  “That’s an interesting take. I approach it differently based on [data, lived experience, industry insight].” You don’t need to prove them wrong to hold your truth.

• Use allyship cues to test the water: 

  Mentioning equity work or systemic barriers in your own story can signal your values and see if they’re open to listening.

Remember, there’s a spectrum of identity awareness in the room.

Some attendees bring invisible trauma, while others operate with unchecked privilege. That’s the tension of public, professional spaces right now—and it’s real. You may wonder: Can I trust this person? Can I be myself here?

How to stay grounded:

• Name your need to yourself: 

  “I want a conversation that feels honest, reciprocal, and safe.” If that’s not happening, pivot.

• Control what you share: 

  You don’t owe your story to people who haven’t earned your trust. Keep your energy for the people who are ready to meet you where you are.

• Create your own success metric: 

  If one conversation leads to a meaningful connection or thoughtful follow-up, that’s a win.

Tools for Processing in Real Time

When your nervous system is activated, these grounding strategies help:

• Box breathing (4-4-4-4): 

  Inhale for 4 seconds, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4. Repeat to reset. I actually did this once sitting across the table from an investor at Starbucks outside. (He was curious if I was married and if my spouse made more than me because he wanted to know how motivated I would be. I was infuriated.) You can do this right in front of someone without them knowing by quietly modulating your breath to get through the moment. You can also do this during a short walk to the bar or bathroom and no one will know.

  
  

• Mantra reminders: 

  Internally repeat, “This isn’t mine to carry.” or “I choose where I place my energy.” This takes practice! However, it becomes easier to walk away without second guessing yourself.

  
  

• Nonverbal exit cues: 

  Use body language—stepping back slightly, shifting posture, glancing away—to start disengaging without confrontation.

If You Choose to Stay Engaged

When emotional capacity allows, staying in the conversation can help you:

• Clarify your values

• Practice communicating across difference

• Plant a seed for someone else’s learning

• Make it easier for a marginalized person who has to talk with this person in the future

It’s not about being a DEI educator—it’s about maintaining your dignity while advocating for respectful dialogue.

You Always Have the Right to Leave

Some conversations are simply not worth continuing. You don’t owe anyone your time or trauma.

Try one of these graceful exits:

• “Thanks for the chat—I’m going to catch up with someone I’ve been meaning to see.”

• “I appreciate your perspective. I have to chat with a few folks before I head out.”

• "I need to make my way around the room, so I’ll let you enjoy the rest of the event. Take care!"

Networking isn’t just about exchanging business cards—it’s about preserving your capacity for meaningful relationships. Trust your instincts. You belong in the room—and you get to choose how you engage.

What to Do When Someone Says Something Racist, Misogynist, or Anti-LGBTQ+

Unfortunately, bigotry—whether based on race, gender, or LGBTQ+ identity—still shows up in professional spaces regularly, including networking events. These moments can catch us off guard, ruffle our feathers, and leave us second-guessing what we should have said afterward.

But here’s the truth: preparing yourself for these moments in advance can change everything. When you anticipate possible comments or microaggressions, you can respond calmly and clearly, preserving both your dignity and theirs. That way, the conversation stays productive, and you avoid wasting emotional energy replaying the encounter later.

Below are real-world examples for each type of bias, paired with response ideas to keep you steady and in control.

RACISM

Comment 1:“"I just don’t see color. I treat everyone the same.

Try: “That kind of thinking can actually erase the real challenges people of color face. Recognizing race helps us build empathy and work toward true equity.”

*This comment is often applied to gender as well. "I see women the same as men." While the person saying this seems well intended, they are ignoring all of the obstacles women face. Many of those obstacles have been caused by men.

Comment 2: “That founder got funded just because they’re Black. It’s reverse discrimination.”

Try: “Actually, less than 1% of VC funding goes to Black founders. Investing in equity isn’t reverse discrimination—it’s long overdue.”

Comment 3: “They’re not a cultural fit.”

Try: “What do you mean by ‘fit’? That term sometimes hides unconscious bias. Maybe we should focus on skills and values alignment instead.”

Comment 4: “She’s so articulate for someone from that neighborhood/area/school.”

Try: “Why wouldn’t someone from that neighborhood be articulate? That comment plays into harmful stereotypes.”

Comment 5: “I don’t think we need to talk about race at work—it just creates division.”

Try: “Avoiding the topic doesn’t make inequity go away. Open conversations about race are how we create inclusive environments.”

SEXISM

Comment 1: “You know her—she’s kind of aggressive. People are afraid of her.”

Try: “That kind of confidence is called leadership when it comes from a man. I admire her direct approach—she consistently gets results.”

Comment 2: “He’s the brains behind the operation—I just handle the admin stuff.”

Try: “Actually, she led the market strategy. Let’s give credit where it’s due.”

Comment 3: “We want to fund serious companies—not lifestyle businesses.”

Try: “That term is often used to dismiss women-owned startups in markets men don't understand. Let’s focus on business models and growth potential, not gendered assumptions.”

Comment 4: "You know, right now, investors (who are white, cisgender, heterosexual, and male) don't really want to hear that they're the problem..”

Try: “It’s not about blaming anyone—it’s about fixing patterns that have left out too many talented women founders. Data from McKinsey, Harvard, and Morgan Stanley prove diverse teams deliver better returns. If investors want results, they need to invest differently..”

Comment 5:“ Women just don’t take the same risks men do in business.”

Try: “Women take plenty of risks—they’re just more calculated because the stakes are often higher. With less access to capital, smaller networks, and greater scrutiny, women navigate a different set of constraints—not a lack of ambition.'

ANTI-LGBTQ+ BIGOTRY

Comment 1: “I just don’t understand why we need Pride Month. Isn’t that overkill?”

Try: “Pride is about visibility and safety—because LGBTQ+ professionals still face discrimination, and recognition like this helps create more inclusive, equitable workplaces where people can thrive.”

Comment 2: “Why do they need to put their pronouns on their badge?

”Try: “Sharing pronouns isn’t about making a statement—it’s about making space. It shows you’re not assuming someone’s identity and helps build trust, especially for trans and nonbinary colleagues who face real risks when they’re misgendered. It’s a simple act that creates a culture of respect and belonging.”

Comment 3: “Why do you even have to bring your LGBTQ+ status into the conversation?”

Try: “Because who I am shapes how I lead, the markets I understand, and the communities I serve.”

Comment 4: “I’m fine with gay people, but I don’t want it shoved in my face.”

Try: “Being open about who you are isn’t ‘shoving’—it’s just living authentically, like anyone else.”

Comment 5: “I don’t care what people do in private—I just don’t want to hear about it at work.”

Try: “We all talk about our lives at work. LGBTQ+ folks deserve the same freedom to be themselves without judgment.”

Even though the occasional hard conversations around bias or bigotry can catch you off guard, fortunately, they are the exception at networking events—not the norm. Especially when you attend events hosted by progressive organizations like The Startup Ladies, Indy Black Chamber of Commerce, or Indy Rainbow Chamber, you know that the leadership wants everyone attending to feel safe and truly be themselves.

The overwhelming majority of networking experiences truly will be energizing, generous, and full of possibility. Most people show up because they want to connect, learn, and grow. That’s the good news. And when you're prepared to navigate the occasional awkward moment or offensive comment, you can spend the rest of your time doing what really matters: building meaningful relationships.

Now let’s focus on taking your networking game to the next level—starting with strategies that turn good conversations into great ones.

Ask Great Questions: Be Curious

When you lead with curiosity, you create space for real connection. People can sense when you’re truly listening—and when you’re running through a script. Great questions signal respect, presence, and genuine interest in the other person’s work and journey.

Try asking:

• What’s something you’re excited about in your business right now?

• What brought you into this industry or space?

• What kind of impact are you hoping to make?

• Who’s been instrumental in helping you grow?

• How are you navigating [current challenge]?

• What does success look like for you this year?

• What do you wish more people asked about your work?

• What kinds of collaborators or partners are you seeking?

• What have you learned recently that surprised you?

• How can I support you or amplify your work? (My favorite question!)

Be Ready to Tell the Story of You and Your Company

You never know when someone will ask, “What do you do?” That question should never be a surprise to you. Always have a working draft ready to share that can be customized to the audience. What you do need is a story that’s honest, compelling, and aligned with your values. A strong narrative makes you memorable and opens doors for deeper engagement.

Hit these points:

• Origin – Why you started (your “spark”)

• Mission – What you’re trying to change

• Problem + Solution – What pain point you solve

• Traction – Any proof it’s working

• Ask – What you need now—capital, contacts, advice?

The more you tell your story, the more confident and clear you’ll become. Each time, you’ll refine it, hear new layers in your voice, and grow into your message.

Don’t Be the Person Who Talks Too Much

It’s easy to get excited and keep talking—especially when you care deeply about your work. But dominating a conversation can backfire. Research shows that people who monopolize discussions are often seen as less likable and less trustworthy. The best networkers make others feel heard.

Here’s how to stay in check:

• Ask yourself: Have I asked a question lately?

• Watch body language—are people fidgeting or looking for an exit?

• Use a 50/50 rule: speak half the time, listen the other half

The most memorable people at an event often aren’t the best talkers—they’re the best listeners.

Express Appreciation to Hosts and Sponsors

Behind every great event are people who spent time, energy, and resources to make it happen. From curating speakers to securing funding to managing logistics—it’s a labor of love. Take a moment to thank the organizers. Gratitude builds goodwill, strengthens relationships, and reminds people that their hard work mattered.

Bridge the Moment: Business Cards, LinkedIn, and the Art of the Follow-Up

In the moment, business cards are still useful—they make it quick and easy to exchange contact info without pulling out your phone mid-conversation. But the real connection happens afterward. Within 24 hours of the event, take the next step: look up the person on LinkedIn and send a personalized message while the interaction is still fresh. Try something like:

“Great meeting you at [event]! I really enjoyed our conversation and would love to stay in touch.”

This small gesture creates a digital bridge between your in-person interaction and future opportunities. To deepen the connection, consider sending a slightly more detailed email the next day. It doesn’t have to be long—just intentional.

Sample Follow-Up Email:

Subject: Great to meet you at [Event Name]

Hi [Name],

It was such a pleasure meeting you at [event] last night. I really enjoyed learning about your work with [topic or company]. I’d love to continue the conversation and explore ways we might collaborate or support each other.

Would you be open to a short Zoom or coffee meeting in the next week or two? Thanks again for the great conversation.

Warmly,

[Your Name][Your Title / Company][Contact Info]

These small acts—handing over a card, sending a thoughtful message, asking for a next step—are what transform a brief interaction into a lasting relationship.

Every Event Makes You Sharper

Each time you network, you’re not just meeting people—you’re building clarity. You discover new ways to talk about your company, connect your mission to others, and sense where you fit into a broader ecosystem. You also start to understand your own energy, values, and boundaries better.

Networking is practice. It’s self-discovery. It’s evolution.

So the next time you hesitate before stepping into a room full of strangers, remember: this is how you grow into the next version of yourself. Keep showing up. You deserve to be there.